Mind Body Soul Columnist Bernadette Petrie lost her battle with cancer at the end of last year. Her husband, Dave, has graciously allowed us to keep sharing excerpts from her book for this column.

This time, Bernadette tells us that to be truly human, we must acknowledge that mistakes are a natural part of our existence, and accepting their inevitability allows us to learn and evolve into better versions of ourselves.

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’ve written about the embarrassment and paralysis I felt as a young school child when I got things wrong. Of course, now I see that making mistakes is essential to being human. However, as a child, any time I got something wrong, my default was to feel embarrassed or ashamed or blame someone else. Ever heard the words, “Now look at what you made me do?” That is a line deep in my subconscious. Indeed, one of my primary school teachers had an interesting approach to mistakes; her favourite was two strikes on the hands with a metre ruler. No doubt that was where the embarrassment factor came from.

As a parent, I wish I could say I had an enlightened approach to my children’s mistakes when they were small. But because of my own perspective, this simply wasn’t always true, and it wasn’t until my children were six and eight that things changed massively for me. I’m sure all parents make mistakes; we learn from them and try to improve things next time. However, the more loving we are to ourselves, the more we can be truly present with our children and show up fully, ensuring we understand that mistakes are essential.  

In one of his books, American author and motivational speaker Jack Canfield shares a story he’d heard in a radio interview. A famous researcher attributed his successful career to knowing it was okay to make mistakes from an early age. At age two, feeling thirsty and using his own initiative, he tried to take a large bottle of milk from the fridge. He lost his grip and spilt the milk all over the kitchen floor. His mother didn’t scold him but actually praised the mess.
She let him play in the spilt milk before they cleared it up – together. Referring to the experience as a failed experiment in how to carry a large bottle of milk with two tiny hands! He also learned how to clean up after his mistakes. They then went outside to the garden so he could repeatedly practice carrying the bottle of milk. That morning, he claims, he learnt it was safe to make mistakes, and there is always an opportunity to learn from them. 

For me, this story affirmed two things. Firstly, making mistakes is essential for success, and it really can make a difference if you are taught from a young age that it’s okay and safe to make them. Secondly, being self-loving leads to being a more present parent. We may not have had such a positive early learning experience in our own lives, so the fear of making mistakes keeps us stuck. It certainly never leads to progress; it denies us the opportunity to feel our way through things and grow from our very valid experiences. Yet, making mistakes is an essential part of being human, and it means we cannot fully embrace our humanity if we do not accept that mistakes are inevitable. 

During my stint as a radio presenter, I made the classic radio presenter mistake. I left the microphone on as we went to an ad break. My guest and I chatted away, thinking we were off the air when I suddenly realised my mistake. Just as I switched off the mic, I received a few texts confirming that our chat was being broadcast for all to hear! This error permitted me to own, ‘I’m only human on air; I will inevitably make mistakes. It’s simply part of being human. After all, no one truly believes in absolute perfection.’ It also allowed me to practice self-compassion, stopping my inner critic in her tracks. It made me see that the young girl, terrified of getting things wrong in primary school, was no longer in the driving seat. Finally, it made us laugh, and if anything else, it helped me remember that most of our mistakes are never worth getting our knickers in a twist over!

Article adapted from Bernadette’s book Permission to Shine – Chapter 21
Buy book from: amazon.co.uk