Remembering Mind Body Soul Columnist Bernadette Petrie.

Last issue, our mind body soul columnist Bernadette (Bernie) Petrie returned to writing her column despite living with stage 4 lung and liver cancer. Sadly, just before Christmas, she lost her battle with this terrible disease. As well as working together, Bernie was a friend, and during a contemplative moment after her death, I reminded myself of what a phenomenal woman she was. She lived her life so well. She lived and loved. While we all wish she could still be here, she leaves a remarkable legacy through her family, friendships, her work, art and writing.

Working with Bernie and editing her articles for this magazine has been a joy. She wrote as she lived – full of love, a zest for living and at 100mph! Yet, it was never a challenge cutting down her 800-odd words to a more readable 300. I was honoured to be asked to edit her book Permission to Shine. Reading her manuscript was exactly like having a conversation with her – and the laughs we had. Memorably telling her we could not include precisely what she’d written about Donald Trump – we’d be sued! And a paragraph which had me vexed for many minutes until I picked up the phone. ‘The contents of that tray summed up my life so completely in that moment. My husband’s love of surfing and his sisters’ love of him in the gift of a surfing book. The horns my husband had bought in a second-hand furniture shop, two years previously, still waiting to be put on the wall. The jacenths, which I adore, were birthday gifts – one from my daughter, the other from a dear friend. There was a tube of hand cream, my son’s headphones, apparently ‘broken’ but well-used, pine cones, postcards and a jar of pencils. Bits and bobs – all with an energy of the beautiful, extraordinary, ordinary life we lead.’ “Bernie,” I said, “I have no idea what a jacenth is.” “I don’t know either,” she replied, “but there’s vase on the tray, so it must be a flower.” Many minutes later and amid peals of laughter, we both realised she meant a hyacinth.

The sadness I feel when I think of Bernie will never disappear, and I will never stop missing her, but I don’t feel empty in any way. Every time I gaze out of the office window at the Law, I’ll think of Bernie. Every walk along the beach, every time I see crazy ladies dipping in the baltic sea laughing their heads off, I’ll remember her. If we can live our lives like she did, if we can even be half as kind, half as positive, half a beacon of light – then the world will be a better place – that’s her legacy. Below are a few abridged extracts from Bernie’s book; through her words, we can give ourselves permission to shine, just as she did. 

She’ll be watching – shining brightly.

Slow Down Sweetheart
There Is No Need To Rush 

One day, my son hopped into the car beside me and said, “Mum, I can’t wait until I’m taller than you”. He was about half an inch away. When I started to write this book nine months later, he had overtaken me by a good couple of inches. But as I sat in the car that morning, his words made me smile. Yet I also felt for him, remembering, all too well, the angst of teenage growing years. His height is ever present in his race to manhood – the rush to leave childhood spurring him on. A few weeks before, he had asked if he could go to Amsterdam for the day with his friends (he was 14), and I heard myself saying to him, “Slow down sweetheart there is no need to rush.” Over nine months, I doodled 277 flower doodles, one every day, almost like daily meditation. Then one day I didn’t…The doodles throughout this book will take you on an internal journey, enabling you to bring some of those parts of yourself home, and as you do, you will get their permission to shine. Take your time. We miss all the beautiful, uplifting moments when we rush, so “slow down sweetheart there is no need to rush”.

Breathe Deeply and
Return Back Home

A couple of years ago, I succumbed to a new addiction – watching The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. My gorgeous teenage daughter lured me into watching these gems of wisdom, but not before my inner critic had a go at my supposed laziness. My inner critic is eventually quietened as my enjoyment kicks in, and the great, often inspirational, lines grab my attention. It helps that the vampires in the series are gorgeous – but actually, these stunning creatures gave me an insight into the whole concept of energy vampires. 

When you are fully in the moment, accept who you are, love who you are, you are at home in your own skin. Your intuition will guide you, and you won’t find yourself in a place where needy, reckless vampires might attack you. In contrast, the experience of feeling sucked dry or depleted is merely a feedback mechanism that shows you need to focus on loving and nurturing your own needs. The time has come to regain your power and say “no”. 

So, yes, energy vampires exist – but they do so in all of us. We move away from being an energy vampire into the frequency of a willing energy donor when we love and cherish who we are. And when we don’t allow other active energy vampires to drain us, it starts to feel effortless. It’s also a chance to find what our heart desires and give ourselves a well-needed break, knowing the sun will rise on another new day – one where vampires will not come our way.

My love for You is eternal

I remember looking at this doodle before I went to a cross-fit session one Friday morning. Later that day, a dear friend was looking at a photo taken of my husband and me – a couple of years before my time in the Priory. It’s a lovely picture; many people comment on it; we look so happy. We had been skiing on our own for a few days, and the photo was taken by one of the roving photographers. But looking at it always caused bitter-sweet memories. Our unquestioned thoughts can ruin many beautiful, magical times, taking away from our natural joy. This is why we must realise we are not our thoughts, and the thoughts causing suffering need to be questioned. My friend loved the photo, but after chatting, she understood why I always looked wistful when she admired it. So there and then, I looked at the figures in the photo with new eyes and to both my husband and myself, I whispered again, “My love for you is eternal”. 

Take a moment to look in the mirror today and say the words I did. Pay attention to any emotions and memories that arise. A version of you that needs loving attention should make themselves known. Take the chance to send this message loud and clear and in the process you are bringing another part of yourself home.