For many, Christmas means mixed emotions and great expectations. With the pressure to get everything right, buy the perfect presents and not disappoint people, have we forgotten the true essence of Christmas? Bernadette Petrie tells us that simply being who you are is all that matters – not trying to be something you’re not. 

As a child, my mother would take me to see musical shows at the senior school, which I would later attend, as many of my cousins took part. The standard was high; the teachers demanded a lot, and expectations ran high. I can still see my older peer group singing and dancing like gods and goddesses on the stage to this day.
 

However, during my time at senior school, despite how much I loved the shows, despite how I would sing in the shower and dance when no one was looking, I never took part on the stage. For a long time, it was one of my biggest disappointments. It all came down to thinking I wasn’t good enough; I was terrified of looking stupid, of being laughed at. And I wasn’t in a show as a junior pupil, so I never auditioned for future shows. I helped with ushering, so I got to watch them night after night, but so much of me wanted to be on stage – yet I never experienced taking part, the thrill of the performance, the music, the dancing.

Quite simply, I was not at the stage of my life of being able to be myself. It was as if I was frozen, uncertain of who I was, so I didn’t give it my all. I didn’t show up and let the music die inside me. All because I held my older peer group on such pedestals, and being me felt totally inadequate. I thought being me was the problem. If only I could be someone else, all my troubles would disappear. But instead, I spent so much energy focusing on what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just be.

I’ve now sung on Instagram live and performed a short solo in the local gospel choir’s Christmas show. I am finally understanding, with greater humility, the only thing that matters is that I show up fully. So I make sure it’s me that walks in the door and permits myself to be myself – fully, totally, completely. I show up because I am enough; it’s not about whether I’m good enough.

The relief of not trying to be someone else is hugely liberating. Being me is finally more than enough – for me. What about you? Do you put others on pedestals? Are you so busy comparing yourself to them you don’t fully show up? Remember, nothing about you has been misdesigned; allow yourself to believe that, and if you do, you will allow yourself to be. You being you is always, and will always, be enough.

You can buy Bernadette’s book from: NØRDEN 82 High St, North Berwick.